Let's Talk About Therapy

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I wanted to speak my little two cents on why I believe therapy is such an essential piece to life. I also want to do my part to try and break the stigma of therapy, especially in the black community— so yes, I go to therapy. I have a personal therapist and Wesley and I also attend couples therapy. I know people’s first inclination when they learn of someone going to therapy is to start guessing which issues landed you in therapy and start evaluating what is “wrong” with you. There is so much harm and danger in taking this approach. Everyone’s journey to therapy is different but I believe that deciding to add therapy to your self-care regimen can deepen your self-awareness and help to sharpen your tools for engaging with and understanding others (can I get an AMEN from the married folks?!). Can I just take a couple more sentences to talk to the married people, because marriage is work! I remember, a couple of months before we got married, Wes and I went to a pre-marital counseling session with our pastor and I remember him saying that when you take two people from two different backgrounds, beliefs, upbringings, etc. and try to fit them perfectly together, it is going to be tough (it’s not just going to snap in place like so many of us believe). Some edges are not going to fit perfectly but each of you has to commit to doing the work and smoothing your own frayed edges so that the pieces can lock together harmoniously. I think that so often when people find themselves at the hard points in a marriage (or any relationship) they decide that it is no longer perfect and make the decision to bail (self-preservation). I think when you dig past the sting of whatever argument or issue you may find yourselves up against, there is always something sweeter, deeper and more meaningful to be gained but it takes work and willingness to do the work (from both people). For me, that work is clearer through the lens of therapy. How many times have you gotten into an argument with someone and said “Well that’s just the way I was raised,” or “well that is just who I am, either love me or leave me.” I have definitely said both of those things before but it wasn’t until I started the deeper work on myself and began to examine how I can let down some of my walls (re: defense mechanisms) to be more accommodating so that I can understand, relate to, and have deeper relationships with others— because let me tell you I am the QUEEN of putting up walls and locking ErrrrrBODY out. So for me, therapy has given me better tools to communicate and, again, I know everyone’s reason for therapy is different, but I sincerely believe that making a decision to go can help you tap into deeper levels of growth. If you live in the NY/NJ area and want a recommendation, hit me up at rouseameera@gmail.com and take care of yourselves lovely people.